Tale of the Unkindled
by Rumours of the Dead
Summary: This is a fairly comedic tale about Marshall Baker, a boy plunged into a dark world he knows all too well, a world he intends to change for the better. But the question is: Can he?
"Anyone catch the license plate on that Silverado?"

The blonde groaned, scratching his hair and looking around.

iWhat the..?/i

He was in a cell. A smelly cell. A smelly cell, with moss on the stone brick walls and termites crawling in the corner. With a tiny gasp, he sat up and looked down. He was in his casual wear: White warmups, white wind-breaker, white sneakers(a lot of white, really) black fingerless gloves, nothing out of the ordinary. Well, except for his skin.

Instead of a usual pale, it was some kind of wrinkly, purplish-pink.

iThis seems oddly familiar, I feel like I should know this, but/i-

Looking up, he noticed a light suddenly appear in the roof of his cell. Looking at him was a Knight, armor and all, visor down.

iOscar.../i

Not really caring how he somehow knew Oscar's name, he noticed the Knight fiddling with his belt, before he dropped a key into his cell. Then, all the memories came flashing back to the blonde boy.

iUseless pendant, Blighttown, Dickwraiths, unpleasant images of sexual intercourse, allnighters, Blighttown, BLIGHTTOWN, bBLIGHTTOWN...

Dark

Souls/b/i

"D-d-de-de, DEMON ON THE ROOF!"

The boy was shocked that his voice was strong enough to coarsely scream the warning, let alone work!

Oscar let out a "Hmm?" followed by a shriek as a giant hammer swatted him out of Blondie's sight. Thinking on his feet, his instincts kicking in(finally), he grabbed the key and unlocked the door, swinging it open as he dashed down the hallway.

"Oh good God, I do inot/i want 4D of this place..."

The stench was near unbearable, especially considering that the Stray Demon had to lay it's droppings isomewhere/i. Blondie dashed by all the docile hollows, following the staircase to a ladder, which lead to a bonfire.

However, Blondie payed no mind and simply pushed onward, shoving the massive double doors open, and running through the tiny courtyard, even ignoring the Asylum Demon who jumped from the roof all the way to the ground. The boy ducked into a hallway and bailed, seeing another bonfire that he yet again ignored.

iGotta go fast... Gotta save Oscar!/i

He ducked into another hallway, side stepping the arrows that a hollow bowman shot at him, simply ducking into an open cell with a corpse, which had an oddly Scandinavian look.

Dead Vikings aside, the boy simply looted the body's wooden round shield and used it to deflect the remaining arrows when he ran at the hollow again. Soon, the bowman bailed, and Blondie noticed an armored corpse, with what appeared to be exactly what he needed.

iA bastard sword.../i

The weapon felt comfortable in his grip, and it even had a pear-shaped pommel for two-handed use.

iPerfect.../i

He dashed after the hollow, who had ducked into another hallway, and was fiddling with a door at the top of a stairway. Ignorant to the fact that in a second flat, he'd have the bastard child of an arming sword and a longsword going through his spine. After the dispatch of said bowman, blondie ran to the right after exiting the hallway, finding a hole in the wall. Hopeful, he ran in, seeing Oscar laying on some rubble.

"I-it's... It's you!"

Blonde waved his hand, as if to push away his greeting.

"I thank you for freeing me, if only I had gotten my warning out sooner."

Oscar let out a chuckle.

"Fear not, us Knights of Astora are fairly resilient. I'll be fine, given some rest."

The knight shook his head and coughed.

"I must ask, what is your name..?"

Blonde sighed before answering. In this world, it would probably be a name most strange.

"... Baker. Marshall Baker."

Baker was quite surprised when Oscar stood and put out his arm. Perhaps his warning had helped after all..?

"Well, Marshall, thank you. I am Oscar of Astora, Elite Knight. Without you, I likely wouldn't be here today."

Marshall gladly shook Oscar's hand. Unbeknownst to Oscar, Baker actually just saved him from hollowing.

"There's a bonfire down the stairs, come on."

Careful not to gain the ire of the hollow upstairs, the two went downstairs, and Baker opened the door to the left, showing the first bonfire that Baker had ignored. This time, he hesitantly extended his arm, and the fire roared to life. The two sat, and they both felt the strength coming back to them.

"So, Marshall, how did you know about the Demon on the roof?"

Thinking quickly, he responded with: "They put that demon up there to make sure no-one could escape and head to Lordran."

Oscar's head tilted to the side. "You were there when they put it here?"

iCrap!/i "Er, well, not exactly. Word kinda spread with stories when they first took me here."

Oscar was suspicious now. "I highly doubt these hollows were any different when you arrived."

iWell, he's not lying./i

"What aren't you telling me, Baker?"

"... Look, it's complicated. I'll explain when we don't have to deal with a Demon bigger than a whale's ass. But, as of right now, you rest. I'll be back."

With that, Baker got to his feet and backtracked to where he got the bastard sword, taking a good look at the armor.

iPlate armor, but where's the gaps..?/i

Rolling the body over, he quickly found them in the back of the legs, as well as a weapon he could use for armored combat.

iA mace... This'll be most useful./i

He put it to the side, and began undoing some of the plates from the corpse, mainly the joint protectors and shin guards. He decides against gauntlets when he realized it was a good idea to keep the use of his thumbs in this world. Grabbing the sheath for the bastard sword, he tied it around his waist and put his blade in it. He picked up the mace, realizing the damage he could do to someone wearing heavy armor. Then images of Anor Londo, and Sen's Fortress appeared in Baker's mind.

iI'm going to actually have fun there for once,/i he thought with a smirk. Moving back to his first looting victim, he plucked the bag from the Viking and slung it over his shoulder so it was draping on his side. Then, he slowly slung his Shield onto his back.

iGame on,/i he thought as he made the walk back to the bonfire.

When Baker had returned, he found Oscar fiddling with his thumbs and gently stroking his divine arming sword.

"About time you showed up," he greeted. "I was almost afraid you left me behind and ran for the hills."

Baker let out a shrug. "Nah. Come on, I'm suited up and ready to go."

Gesturing for Oscar to follow, Baker set out to the side door, heading up the stairs and up again, where they encountered a single, docile hollow.

iHuh/i, Baker thought. iThe bastard usually pushes a ball down onto you.../i

Upon seeing a locked door ahead, Baker turned his head and looked to Oscar.

"You got the key?"

"Yeah."

Gently shoving Baker aside, Oscar slid the key in and opened it, and the two men walked out onto what appeared to be a balcony, where they could actually see the front of the asylum! Amazing views aside(let's save that for Anor Londo, fake as the view may be), Baker put his arm out to stop Oscar from turning the corner. He then pointed to himself, drew his sword and shield, and dived around the corner. A mesh of grunts, groans, splurks and clangs began, and Oscar peeked around to see Baker standing over the corpses of three hollows.

Baker then slowly advanced towards a doorway, ignoring the fog wall to his left. Sheathing his Bastard Sword, Baker drew his mace, prepared to end the two bastards(pun intended) guarding another door which lead to a very important item he wasn't going to make a second trip for. Taking in a deep breath, he dived into the room, and there was two instances of metal on metal, then, nothing. When Oscar peeked in, he saw that Baker was once again victorious. Once putting his weapons away, Baker reached into his pockets and pulled out two bobby pins. Upon inspecting the condition of said pins, Baker then went to town on the door, eventually cracking it open while Oscar stood in shock. Indifferent to the knight's stare, baker then went into the door, and came out wearing a rusted iron ring. Putting his finger in front of Oscar's helmet to hush him, Baker simply said:

"Ask me at Firelink."

When they were finally before the fog wall, Baker gave a tiny pep talk, not just to Oscar, but himself.

"Look, there's a demon down there that has a key, don't ask where, that we can use to escape. All we have to do is stab him in the head. That's all we have to do..." He let out a tiny sigh. "Oscar, you go first. I need to do something special for this occasion..."

Oscar nodded and stepped through, and that was the last Baker saw of the knight for a bit. Taking a deep breath, Baker drew his Bastard sword, then bolted through the fog, jumped off the ledge in what could only be described to anyone who didn't watch wrestling as a swan dive, and stabbed a demon in the back. Of course, if you watched wrestling, you'd probably see it more like this:

AND OSCAR SHOWING SOME FIGHT AGAINST THE DEM- WAIT A MINUTE! IT'S BAKER, AT THE TOP OF THE LEDGE! HE'S GOT A KENDO STICK! WAIT A MINUT- OH BAH GAWD! SWANTON BOMB, OFF THE LEDGE, OH BAW GAWD KING, HE'S BROKEN IN HALF!

Anyways, the Swanton Bomb only managed to anger the beast more, and Baker drew his Mace.

...Only for the demon to bring a massive hammer crashing down onto Baker, snapping the mace in half like a twig, and flattening Baker with a surprisingly satisfying crunch. The rest was blurr for Baker, things only making sense after he felt the warmth and texture that reminded him of tea. Then he realized that Oscar was pouring orange, sticky stuff down his throat. Dirty thoughts aside, Baker knew what it was instantly.

"Thanks for the Estus."

"Don't worry about it."

Oscar extended an arm that Baker gladly took, and he was on his feet in seconds.

"Do you need to get to the bonfire?"

"No, no, there's another one where we're going, so I can make it, and before you ask, you will understand how I know what I know. You won't like it, and likely won't believe it, but it's the truth. Now, just open the double doors up front, loot a corpse to the left, and I'll be waiting for you by the cliff."

With a sigh, Oscar nodded, and the two headed out, Oscar opening the door and turning left to get the item, while Baker went straight. When the two met up just before the edge of the cliff, Baker spoke up.

"So, on a scale of "I love it" to "I'd rather drown", how scared are you of heights?"

With a tilt of the head, Oscar responded with "I'm not particularly scared of them, why?"

"Cuz I am, and our Taxi's a giant crow."

"Wait wha-"

Out of nowhere, a giant crow scooped them up and carried them away, with both men screaming like a bunch of drowning kittens.

This is how their story began. But how will it end? Stay tuned to find out!


End file.
